4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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