you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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