happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
