im six kinds of drunk right now
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
