Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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