I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
