I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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