she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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