the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
