at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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