one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
