No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
