When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
