i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
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The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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