Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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