your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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