its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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