I'm gonna have a badass scar
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
