Just fell off a train. Bad.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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