your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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