Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this beer tastes like vomit already
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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