I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize