why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
