I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
