I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
