It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
