apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
