Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
