Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
