I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am mentally ready for anal.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
