2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
