Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
