how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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