Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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