Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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