I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
