Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
