apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
