Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
