Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
