I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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