I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
