My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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