put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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