my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize