if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hello my rib-scented angel!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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