your parents love me but you hate me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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