My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
