i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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