Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
