The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
