Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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