Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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