no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
