Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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