Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just found a bag of teeth...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
