im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
