he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I could fuck to npr.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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