my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ttyl tear gas
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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