I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
