lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
