got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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