erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
