his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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