Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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