i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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