my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
