She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
