You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
