Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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