the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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