Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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