hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
