Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
