Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
