just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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