I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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