Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
