Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
