Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
