whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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