i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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