you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
