I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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