Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
