'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
